I have a large magnetic helmet that I slap on the side of my car door during football season.   The helmet has a block “M” on it.  Periodically, someone will ask me when I went to Michigan.  What idiots.  There is probably no helmet more distinctive that Michigan’s and it certainly doesn’t have a block “M”.

It’s tough being a Mizzou fan out here on the East coast.  The Washington Post thinks any game played West of the Mississippi is a late start and they don’t post the score.

The NCAA tournament is getting ready to start and you can bet that the TV announcers will be showing the UCLA victory over Mizzou in 1995.  We are always the backdrop for some sensational or outrageous play.

In the UCLA game, we were ahead by one point and there were 4.8 seconds left in the game.  UCLA’s Tyus Edney got the ball under his own basket and raced down the court dodging Mizzou players.  He threw the ball up and scored just before the buzzer.  UCLA 75, Mizzou 74.  I’ll get to see that play at least five time in the next few weeks.  Hey, it was 14 years ago.  Give it a rest.

Did I mention that UCLA went on to win the NCAA championship that year.  Always the backdrop.  I got to thinking.  I’ll bet that damn thing is on You Tube.  Once you start thinking like that it’s kind of hard not to look.  Yep, it’s there.

In 1990, the Colorado Buffaloes were declared the college football national champions.  Would you like to hazard a guess as to whom they beat on the last play of the game, which happened to be their fifth down?  You are right.  It was Mizzou.  We got stuck with officials who couldn’t court past four.

After Colorado completed a pass and got a first down, the quarterback raced up and spiked the ball (down one).  They then ran a play and failed to score (down two).  Colorado called its last time out.  An official on the sideline failed to flip the down marker.  Colorado ran the ball again and Mizzou held (down three).  Then the QB spiked the ball again (down four!).  And, on the fifth down, Colorado scored to win the game.

My son, Paul, was at the game and he and many of the fans in the student section knew it was fifth down.  But who is going to listen to the screams of the student section?  It would have been nice if one of the Mizzou coaches would have known what down it was.  I refuse to look on You Tube.  It’s too depressing.

I’ve got to get this over fast.  Reliving these moments is not healthy.  In 1997, Mizzou is beating Nebraska and Big Red is down to its last play.  A pass is thrown to Nebraska’s Wiggins in the end zone.  Mizzou’s Julien Jones slaps the ball free from Wiggins’ hands.  Just before the ball hits the ground, Wiggins kicks the ball up in the air (you can’t to that) and another Nebraska player dives and catches the ball.  I thought it touched the ground, but there was no instant replay in 1997 and some official who was concentrating on getting the downs right called it a touchdown.  That tied the game and Nebraska prevailed in overtime.

In recent years, things have gotten better.  Our football teams have been winning (and beating up on Nebraska).  Mizzou’s basketball team is having a great year.  We are seeded third in the NCAA tournament with a 28-6 record.  We just won the Big 12 Tournament so I flipped open the Washington Post to see what it had to say about our beating Baylor for the championship.  The headline said, “Baylor’s Big 12 Run is Halted in Title Game.”  Well that’s the Washington Post.

I decided to go on line and see what the St. Louis Post-Dispatch had to say.  I needed something warm and fuzzy.  So, how does the Post-Dispatch headline read?  I couldn’t make this up.  It says, “It’s back to Boise for No. 3 seed Mizzou.  Tigers return to site of their heartbreaking loss to UCLA in 1995.”  Enough already!  Enough!

The question I have is why would anyone want to manufacture child safety seats?  It makes about as much sense as being a bull rider.  Bull riding probably makes more sense, because they are quite popular and do very well with the ladies, until they get stomped on a few times.  Child seat manufacturers need only look forward to being stomped.

Don’t get me wrong.  I think child seats are wonderful.  Any parent who doesn’t put their infant in a child seat should have their head examined.  Child safety seats save lives.  But, manufacturers take on great risks in selling them.

First, the seat has to comply with Federal standards.  There’s a crash test to ensure the seat and child will survive a crash.  There are buckle tests to ensure that buckles don’t open too easily, but will open after a crash.  They need to have appropriate hardware which will attach to the cars they are put in.  Those clasps have to be able to withstand so many pounds of pressure that might occur in a crash.  The straps have to pass strength tests and all the fabrics have to pass stringent flammability tests.

Is that so unreasonable?  I don’t think so.  The manufactures accept the requirements as their responsibility.  They want to make a safe product.  They test their seats to ensure that they comply with all the requirements.

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) is responsible for setting the standards.  When I was Chief Counsel for the agency, we tested every new seat to every standard.  We were hyper over child seat safety.  If there was a problem, usually the manufacturer stepped up and recalled the product.  But, some manufacturers just stopped making child seats.

Then, there’s the litigation involved in child seats.  If there is a crash and a child secured in a child seat is injured, you can pretty much bet on a law suit.  It doesn’t matter how many cars were involved, or the speed of the vehicles, or the direction of impact, the company will be sued.  Litigation is one of our national pastimes.  While some times it is definitely justified, many times it is not.

I remember a case where a man’s wife died when she rolled the car and it went off an overpass.  It landed on its roof.  He sued the car manufacturer because the air bag didn’t deploy.  Then there was the one where the woman decided to commit suicide by locking herself in the trunk of her car.  After a few days, she changed her mind.  But, she couldn’t get out.  She was eventually found and survived.  She sued the car manufacturer and recovered.  I guess there should have been a warning in the trunk.

After I left NHTSA, I joined Arent Fox and had the opportunity to represent child seat manufacturers.  Century Products made a great infant seat called the 590.  It was the best selling infant seat.  The base stayed hooked in the car while the infant seat lifted out and acted as a carrier for the child.  Century had never received a complaint regarding separation of the base and the seat in a crash.  Not bad.  But, not good enough.

One day, back in 1995, Consumers Union notified Century that they had crash tested the 590 and that it had failed.  The tests had taken place a few months earlier, but Consumers Union kept the results secret from Century.  They wanted to splash the story in their Consumer Reports magazine.  CU also petitioned NHTSA to recall the 590 for being defective.  Well NHTSA eventually denied CU’s petition, but not soon enough to save the 590.  Life isn’t fair.

I question the motives of Consumers Union, who is suppose to be the friend of the consumer, but conceals safety testing for months.  If their testing showed a safety concern, shouldn’t they quickly notify the manufacturer, or the government or the public?

If I were going to buy a vacuum cleaner or a toaster, I might look at what Consumer Reports had to say.  Then again, maybe I wouldn’t.  But, if we are talking about a product where there is dynamic testing, such as a car seat, or an automobile, I wouldn’t trust Consumers Union.  I don’t think they are qualified and they are too interested in a dramatic story. 

Back in 1996 or 97, I went into a Ford dealership to get some literature on the Ford Explorer.  Some tall skinny dude in a cowboy hat told me they didn’t have any material to give me, but that the Explorer was ranked number one in Consumer Reports.  I got out of there and saved myself and family from being part of the rollover debacle.

Let me get back to my child safety seat proposal.  And it has nothing to do with Consumers Union trying to play the Wizard of Oz.  If a product is mandated by the government (as child seats are in most states), and the Federal government specifies safety requirements for the product, then meeting or exceeding those safety requirements should preclude product liability law suits that attempt to hold the manufacturer to some different standard.  Now there’s some Congressional legislation I could live with and it wouldn’t cost the government any money.