Today is August 25, my parents’ anniversary and the day I began writing my memoir here on this blog and now entitled (Re)Making Love: A Sex After Sixty Story. I began this way two years ago:

I need to live alone

I love romantic comedies: weep over them, quote their dialogue without attribution in conversation as when I am with a man who says he wants to be friends with me, “You actually believe

Okay… I said it. While I’m not 100 percent sure–something inside tells me that I’m into IQ a bit more than he is into me. Maybe I’m over reacting but I’m just not getting the extraness. I’m so sick and tired of this dating stuff. Must he be like this? Constant questions, let downs, up ticks..then another let down. What’s a girl to do?

I think he likes me– we hang out, we have great sex, we banter back and forth on BBM all day. BUT. He does make an effort to see me more than once or twice a week. He doesn’t invite me out to events w/ his friends, He does act like he wants anything more than sex, and he does spend the night anymore.

Its a catch 22– if I continue w/ the status quo– I’m not fully satisfied– If I ask force the issue I could turn him off. I throw my hands up– I think its time to walk away- if he come after me then he wants me…if not– what is there to loose?

So tomorrow I will sing a new tune– I got to fall back..I just need to focus on work, the gym, and most importantly ….ME!!!!

-black sage

Today’s podcast is all about the cruel things women do to men… Just because we can. What has happened to you or what have you done?!

love,
elizabethany

For the past three weeks, I have been participating in a group exercise program through my church. Never before have I regularly exercised and made an effort to watch what I eat. I was always one of those girls who could eat anything and sit around and stay skinny. Well, not anymore. Suddenly I am [...]

I have never been someone that knows the “game” or even how to the play “game.”   I generally the one being “played”…  LOL…   However there is one thing that I do know– “NEVER BREAK YOUR OWN RULES”– well this week I broke the ultimate rule that I set for myself.    So what’s my rule??   SAFE SEX   and yes– I broke it.  

  I have no idea what I was thinking or what got into me–but I have truly screwed this one.    I mean I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE– w/ NO boyfriend ever had total unprotected sex.     NEVER EVER EVER until a few days ago.  


The entire time after it happen and still to this day– I keep asking myself  alot of questions—   the first being “WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING??”    And I will be honest– I keep asking myself other questions– like   why did he do it too?  Does he do this all the time?  Am I special?   If I am special why? b/c he doesn’t act like he wants to take our courtship to the next level…  I mean is he a wreck less sexual partner?  Does he think the same about me?  What does this mean?   Am I overreacting?    Lots of questions going across my mind.

It all started when we decided not to go out– but to stay at my house and watch a pay per view movie.  So we are sitting there– and I am horny as hell.   The evening  goes from me kinda watching a movie while reading a book to me kinda watching a movie and having sex.   


We were in the living room on the couch– maybe that was the problem– b/c neither one of us stopped to get condoms or stopped to say– whoa– this is not cool.   We were both caught up.   At least I know I was.  Perhaps he was just trying to hit “raw.” and taking what I was going to give.    


Okay— so yes– I will admit I really like IQ–but its still not an excuse to put myself “out there” like I did.   And to be perfectly honest—the sex was not THAT great.  We were both still kinda watching Brooklyn’s Finest… I know– what a waste. LMAO.    Full Disclaimer– the sex wasn’t BAD–but I have had much better and more intimate sex w/ IQ– which make me question this unprotected stuff even more.  The actually “feeling” was wonderful– but the “connection” was off a bit.   


Anyways— we had been playing w/ “fire” before- (yes– close encounters w/ no condoms) but this time we just jumped in to the fiery flame feet first.   I’m not exactly worried that I have an STD or HIV–  I was recently tested and my test results were all negative.  And if I have any unwanted “guests” in my “va jay jay”– I know it has to be him– b/c my test were taken after sex w/ him and 3 months after sex with anyone else.    Oh and did I mention that he has a kid– so this man is not shooting blanks!!


Still– I think that I am more concerned w/ my emotional connection to this whole ”relationship/courtship” w/ him.    I really like him– but I am not certain if the feelings are totally mutual.   I think he likes me–but I am not totally sure if he see me in his future. 


Example: He had a friend come into town this weekend.  Although it was a guy friend –he didn’t even think or care to introduce me to this friend.  IQ and I have mutual friends but outside of them– I have not many any of his friends.  That is not a good sign.   Maybe I am being extra sensitive–but most men who really like a girl will always introduce her to his friends–even if its only a causal meeting– and the introduction clearly uses the “this is my FRIEND” label. 


Well anyways–  this unprotected sex business was clearly an bad example of  me acting out of control.    And yes– I know– It can’t happen again.  


At least afterwards he and I talked about it– and agreed– it couldn’t happen again.  


So in short— I did the big no no– I broke the ultimate rule– I let my feelings allow my body to do something that not only put me at risk–but also allowed me to compromise my own values.    NO man is worth that—   NO MAN– not even a cute ,smart, sexy, nice, book worm like IQ.   


So why did I really allow this to happen– laziness, stupidness, lust, passion?   Or am I subconsciously reaching out for a non existent relationship?  All of the above?   hmmmm   ….


Oh yeah– And for what its worth,  it was not fun scrubbing sperm stains off of my couch the next morning…. can you just imagine walking out the door to go to work– only to glance over and see cum stains on your beige cloth sofa…….    LMAO– Definitely NOT A GOOD LOOK….Literally.

-black sage

ps– by no means do I promote unprotected– sex– although I did something stupid– i stongly encourage everyone to practice safe sex. 

(Please note that this was written on last Sunday…..today is following Monday…and I am still frustrated— happy but sexually frustrated…LOL– in reality its more about our schedules and less about our chemistry….well that what I am hoping….)

It really late at night and I need to write– why because I’m sexually frustrated.

The crazy part about this situation is that I seem to have found someone seems like a perfect match for me. A man that is amazing–and in a scary way dam near meets all of the things on my list. Yeah I know right…too good to be true. I mean not me—i usually end up with losers but this one is different. He’s smart, nice, well read, great in bed, doesn’t drink, has a great career, a great listener and the best part— drum roll— he seems to like me.

I will call him IQ (this is another story–but when I said he was smart— I really meant it– he has an IQ of like 95)


I’ve known him for years but for some reason I didn’t pay him any attention.( perhaps my mind had been focused on a looser). But he didn’t pay me any attention either.

One day we exchanged BBM and it been on an popping since. To be perfectly honest he scares the shit out of me… Why??? Well because I really like him.

I try really hard to hide my true feelings–I so afraid that I will get hurt and embarrassed… You know the dreadful day when he says “I think we are better off as friends”. Or ” I’m seeing someone else”. I hope that doesn’t happen but w/ just my luck– that is how this blissful summer of rose colored landscapes will end.

So why is that I’m up blogging and frustrated if I seem the have the man of my dreams within grasp? Well that’s just it— I don’t quite have him.

I mentioned earlier that he is great in bed.. That’s part of the problem–he is so good in bed that I can’t seem to get enough.. I’m trying to balance my yearn for sex w/ my need to approach this man with my A game. We have sex maybe 2 times a week— but I want it more. I’m not sure if the fact they we only get busy 2 times a week is good or bad.

I mean he always says he is “fell asleep” when he doesn’t come over or call back when he says will. And I honestly believe him. But it drives my crazy– I want nothing more than to cuddle on the couch with this man and then have immaculate sex then lay in his arms until the next morning…..but then again–that what “couples” do– and we are not a couple.


So that why I’m up— I’m sooo frustrated b/c I wanted him to come over– Its been 4 days since we’ve had sex… (And I will say that he was at my house this morning for brunch and stayed at least 2 or 3 hours but it was a groups setting).

I wanted him to come over Thursday but he fell asleep, Friday my mom came into town, tonight I wanted him to come over–but I suspect that he went to sleep again…. And tomorrow well– I think my trusted monthly friend will manifest her ugly head—leaving me even more sexually frustrated…

Dammm… How can one be so blissful yet so sexually frustrated?

Do you recall that line from the song in The Sound of Music? That’s how I feel because The Foodinista found me! Her website gives me fantastic recipes, the chicest of the chic ideas for home and fashion—even if I can’t afford that gorgeous vintage watch or fit into those skinny jeans. She cooks, she nests, she loves and she READS! Who knew?Who knew also that she turns out to be a well-known

My publisher has written a beautiful description of how the book came to be. Go here to read it. I sometimes wonder why I write, but I write. In the solitude of the metaphorical attic—yes, there was once a real attic—the writing is a solitary act and the joys come in the room of my own where I work—small but precious like flakes of snow on a midnight walk. When someone who believes in the book

I thought it would be fun to repost my very first Blog Entry— HEre GOES

My First Blog- 7 Things I will never tell the world

I have written and deleted my first sentence at least 10 times. Why is that? Perhaps b/c I am so self conscious of what people will think of my thoughts and day to day life. But then it hits me: no one knows who I am. So in my first blog I will say some of the things that I have always wanted to say but never did.

1. I wet my pants at the county fair when I was 12 years old

2. I masturbate 3-4 times a week

3. I have hundreds of friends but feel lonely everyday

4. I won’t take the LSAT b/c I am afraid that I won’t score high enough for Ivy Leauge

5. I like to pour hot wax on myself for fun

6. I only scored 1410 on the SAT not 1450

7. I always seem to have crushes on people who don’t know that I exist or simply don’t like me. I must really like torture.

I know this is a lame first entry…but I suppose I really don’t care what you think. But then again if I really didn’t care..I wouldn’t keep my identity a secret.

That’s right– Blage Sage is back on the scene and fully committed to sharing my spice with the world. SO sit back and relax– this is going to be fun.

So where do I start– It has been two year– much as changed and much has not. So here is a quick update:

JOB:
I have a new job- I work for a major political figure and its crazy hectic. I travel alot and I meet alot of important people and alot of people who think that they are important

Home:
I moved into a new apartment–it is great space. I LOVE it. It is so grown and sexy.

Men:

Man– so what can I say– Same bullshit- Let me go through the list
Eddie- I am so tired of him– He went to war, someone got in my head from 7,000 miles away, came home and like a pysco showed up on my porch at 4:30 am, tried to get some action, but I was so over him by then. Oh yeah– he has a girlfriend who is very jealous of me and knows that he has an unhealthy obession with me and my goods. To wrap it up– I am so over his ass

Walmart- Same situtation– slowy but surely I am growing more and more distant

Latin Lover- NEXT — (omg- he gets on nerves)

Prep Boy- Oh this is the medical dude that I dated for a while. He was so uppity that it was sickneing …I just could not get wtih him at all….he just turned me off with his converation

Mr. New: Well I will have to talk about this later…. I don’t even have a proper nick name for this dude. All know is that he is really cute, really nice, and I really think I like him… I am not sure the thoughts are mutual. I have no real faith that it will manifest into something more–but I am definatley open to it.

Life In General:

Family life has been rough. My Grandfather died– I am still getting over it… He just died…no sickness.. he just died. My brother is in prison on some crazy charges… I working to get him home but it will be a long fight. My cousins are all still crazy– I don’t see them as often but I wish I near them more.

Thats it for now…. I am just excited to blog again…. I have so much to say– so many experiences…why keep it to myself when there is a world out there waiting to here all about them… LOL

-Black Sage